We�re so sorry uncle albert
We�re so sorry if we caused you any pain
We�re so sorry uncle albert
But there�s no one left at home
And I believe I�m gonna rain
We�re so sorry but we haven�t heard a thing all day
We�re so sorry uncle albert
But if anything should happen we�ll be sure to give a ring...~ "Uncle Albert" - The Beatles, lyrics by Paul McCartney
That kindly-looking elderly gent above was born Hamilton Fish, a son of a respectable Washington DC family. Later in life he changed his name to Albert. If you click the image it will take you to the entry about old Uncle Albert at www.carpenoctem.tv.
Uncle Albert liked to eat people. And rape children, and whatnot. A quote from the carpenoctem article:
"...Tracing his sadomasochism back to the age of five of six, when he began to relish bare-bottom paddlings in the orphanage, Fish's obsession with pain was focused primarily on children. Ordered "by God" to castrate young boys, he impartially molested children of both sexes as he traveled around the country. Prosecutors confidently linked him with "at least 100" sexual attacks in 23 states, from New York to Wyoming, but Fish felt slighted by their estimate. "I have had children in every state," he declared, placing his own tally of victims closer to 400..."
Fish's most famous crime was the kidnapping and eating of little Grace Budd. In a letter to Budd's mother, sent anonymously, he related the following:
"...I grabbed her and she said she would tell her mamma. First I stripped her naked. How did she kick - bite and scratch. I choked her to death, then cut her in small pieces so I could take my meat to my rooms, Cook and eat it. How sweet and tender her little ass was roasted in the oven. It took me 9 days to eat her entire body. I did not fuck her tho I could have had I wished. She died a virgin...:
That last sentence...decent of you, Uncle Albert. Eat the girl, but for heaven's sake, no deflowering.
Nowadays parents know to not just send their kids off with any old stranger - for Grace's parents, trusting kindly Mr. Fish by appearance and the fact that he was soft-spoken and mannerly did just that, thinking Fish was taking Gracie to a party. Back then, no one was prepared for the monster named Albert Fish.
So rare was ole Uncle Albert, though, that even execution was said to have been a delightful experience for him. A reporter wrote the following about Fish contemplating his electric chair experience:
"...his watery eyes gleamed at the thought of being burned by a heat more intense than the flames with which he often seared his flesh to gratify his lust..."
Oh, yeah - that was one of Albert's great delights; pain. It is said that when he was finally executed it took more jolts than normal from Old Sparky because Uncle Albert had so many needles inserted in his body - the circuits were shorted by the metal. Albert liked to insert the needles in his scrotum.
Next time you nod at the kindly old gent on the bench by the playground who looks as harmless as can be, just think of Uncle Albert - this Uncle Albert, who most assuredly didn't have any trouble with the pain...
